In NL, but not for good… for the better & Belly Conversations

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Oh nope, not back as an official citizen. But just a day or two before I would have my ticket booked to Ecuador I decided to go back to The Netherlands for my little one.  

(You can skip this first paragraph if you already know my reason.)
I had some problems. A ‘hard belly’ to be more exactly. It was for hours and hours non-stop and that is not normal to have that non-stop or too much too early in the pregnancy. Physical stress was my reason, I am sure of that. You can also get it with mental stress, when the baby moves and with orgasms… well, didn’t have too much of those, unfortunately. Walking up and down, the crowds, the heat, São Paulo became too much for me. Since pregnant I need more rest and time to relax. Anyway, to be sure there was nothing more going on then the necessity to move my butt less, I went to the ER. My little one's heartbeat was just perfect and the hard belly had not gotten into real contractions with the risk of going into labor. But I can tell you, I practiced enough, for hard belly's are also preparing you for going into labor. 

After this happened I decided to not get myself in those risks again and to go to my parents to relax there. If I would get this in Ecuador I would have the risk to have to quit my job and really get homeless. And since my parents live in The Netherlands...  My visa was also almost expired. So after a tiring plane journey, getting a hard belly again due to the air pressure, I was back in the country I once used to call my home.
Ok, ten months is not a long time to have be gone, but believe me, I have been through so much, that it feels like years and years.

My cheeks touched the cold. Oooh, how I missed the weather every Dutch person rather gets rid off. I could breath again, my blood was flowing and giving me immediate energy. But oh, how I will miss the freshness of the non typical Western countries. I have to, and will accept being here for a while.

For now I also have a new adventure. It is growing inside of me.

She maybe hears me sing when we are in the shower. Since she is in my life it is like my voice has changed. I have a reason to sing. She maybe hears me also when I walk and talk to her.

I am past the official half of pregnancy and sometimes feel my restless belly telling me she is moving. Then I push with my fingers on my belly and wait, sometimes short afterwards I feel her reaction. We have this little belly conversation. It tickles a little bit, feeling like a very soft nail is going over the inside of my skin or sometimes even like a long soft fart :), or I feel small *plops*. You just feel the difference. It is nothing like I ever felt before.

I am very fast tired and can not take anything stressful. My body is so alert. Love being alone with her. If I can not sleep, I do not mind. Especially when I feel my restless belly and know she is moving, I do not care how tired I am then. That are always fun moments. 

Yes, and there is something pushing on your blather, so at least three times a night I go to the bathroom, and then I am thirsty and hungry again. Can not eat too much at once.

I am used to not sleep very well and now I have at least a better reason. But when I sleep I dream a lot! Read it is normal in this stage of pregnancy. 

I have to find my new rhythm, new movements. Too much walking is not possible and too fast is impossible. Immediately my belly gets hard and tells: NO Viv! The Dutch flat landscape is perfect to enjoy some walking and my parents live outside. Dancing… miss it, but my energetic jumping around has to wait.

Freedom is my all. I have learned a lot. Also: the more I learn the less I know. Only every form of discrimination I can hardly even discuss anymore. What is there to talk about? When something small, like a guy making, what he thinks is a funny remark, about women have to go to the toilet a lot, I just think he is stupid. He just doesn't know anthing about the female and male body, the differences what you are born with and that it has nothing to do being emotionally weak or something. But the sound in his voice, tells me how he thinks this just simple fact is funny. Oh, get a life dude!

Unbelievable how too many men in this world who of course come from women discriminate them. Let us not discuss now who is to blame...

I have learned that The Netherlands never has really been my place, like enough people have told me throughout my life.

I have learned that living in the moment is the only thing you are certain of and that it is beautiful as well as tough. Especially when you want something or someone so much. But living in the moment is much intenser. Thinking of your past can also be living in the moment, when it is relevant.

I have realized even more that feeling and being rich has nothing to do with possessions.

I have realized how difficult life can be for people. Their past very tough and loneliness deep.  

I have learned how warm people are in this world, how very helpful! So many people I want to thank for their help, their stories, their fun, their interest and their trust in me: doing it my way this life. Many people I still remember very well I met on my journey. It feels good to still have contact with some of them.

I have realized that a child will change my life, but that doesn’t mean the way many people say it will. I am in for an adventure, but still living in this world.

Anybody knows how to get one of these? ;) :

   

- Check my photos here… to start with my last 'Pregnant Viv' photos: LINK

- My newest poem I will publish after this blog. Please see my poems as word-art, or to keep in the mood of the blog: word-adventures. Even though it is personal, doesn’t mean I live in that feeling I describe constantly.